It’s been two months since my last update about my art hiatus, and I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I would like to say I’ve made progress, but how much is uncertain. Baby steps are better than no steps, right? Here is what is going on…
The issue I have is how to explain this as succinctly as I can. In my LAST HIATUS POST, I talked about the three takeaways from my Spiritual Retreat. The Mosaic event at my church came and went, and no other “next steps” were given by God after. I’ve been slowly adjusting to “doing God’s will” and not just “collect a paycheck” in regards to teaching. I have yet to be told to get back to making art, so I obviously have more things to figure out first.
At the beginning of this year I took another Spiritual Retreat, this time for two days. I was hoping I would make progress on this front as this was really the only time I could do it given my upcoming class schedule. Just minutes before I was to leave, a friend posted this quote on their social media…
“If we are not content with Him being our only audience, then we aren’t ready for an audience at all.” –Simcha Natan
Immediately I knew this was my topic of conversation with God at the retreat. My problem with the art side of things for years was exactly the audience, or lack there of, and how that drove me to dark places. I never had a problem creating the art, just getting people to see, and care, about it.
I dug deeper and found that Ms. Natan wrote a book titled, “Dare To Ask“, so I bought it and read the entire first day I was on retreat. (Highly recommend the book!) By the end, however, I was angry with God for being silent over all of this. When I came home, utterly dejected and ticked, I read more about “being in the desert” and finally found something that made sense to me.
Often times these articles about Spiritual growth tell you everything but HOW to do it. Although I’ve been a Christian for just over fifteen years, I’m still an infant when it comes to figuring out all of this. Becoming one as an adult doesn’t make it easier, in fact, I feel it’s much harder because you have all your pre-Christian baggage you have to get through in order for any growth to take place. It’s quite aggravating really.
This particular article talked about the manifestation of God, and how us humans are always looking for that, even when we’re in a desert period. When we’re in the desert, we’re suppose to “sense” Him, not “listen” for Him. It dawned on me that “hearing God’s voice” in my head is also a manifestation and I’ve been doing this all wrong. I’m in the desert, I’m suppose to “sense” Him.
Easier said than done.
I went to bed shortly after this discovery. I ended up waking up a couple of times throughout the night (not unusual), but this time around, I woke up from dreams that I can only describe as “God was there.” I can’t describe the feeling, I just KNEW he was there in my head. This same article I read talked about how God measures a person by growth, not time, and I think this was Him saying, “FINALLY you moved a step forward!”
So, where does this leave me and the art? Not sure, actually. If my next step is to start creating it, but for God’s eyes only, then that’s what has to happen. I’m not hearing or sensing anything, however, so no idea when this will go down. I do know that while all this is going on, He opened one art related opportunity for me.
I have a friend who lives in Oregon who is opening up an art gallery soon. She asked me to show my work there. I don’t think it will be new work, but this gives me hope that one day I will be able to return to showing more to the public. I am also assuming that I will be showing more work at future Mosaic events.
There’s also something about a Bill Murray documentary that I’ll talk about in my next post. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel.