Art Hiatus Update (Part Five): My Biggest Fear

As I stated in my previous post, God led me down a rabbit hole viewing a couple videos that taught me that ultimately, it just doesn’t matter, and to re-evaluate if I actually failed or not trying to make a career as an artist. This time around I want to talk about a nagging fear I’ve had since shortly after this wilderness experience started. Probably the biggest thing on my mind as I’ve gone through this.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve read a LOT about being in the desert. I’ve read more in the past six months than the previous six years. One consistent message I’ve seen from multiple sources states how being in the desert is preparation for your next stage of God’s plan, and it will always be something unpredictable and new.

Here’s my fear; In this next stage, will I have to stop making comics?

For a while I’ve had a heavy heart that I may have to give it up. I truly enjoy making comics and telling stories and stuff. I feel I was in a deep groove creatively right before all this went down. If I’m in the desert to prepare for the next stage, which is unpredictable and new, then going back to making comics would not be classified “unpredictable” or “new.”

Remember my friend who posted this quote on social media that I talked about two articles ago?
“If we are not content with Him being our only audience, then we aren’t ready for an audience at all.” –Simcha Natan

God has used my friend once again to help me along. She recently emailed me a devotional that she felt was something I needed to see. I won’t post the devotional, but it did include this Bible verse:

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19

I responded to her email and laid it out there, telling her my biggest fear and how it’s similar to “Abraham being told to sacrifice Isaac”, but in my case, I don’t think I could do that with my comics. I also explained how I don’t feel like I’m any closer to reaching the edge of the desert.

I went on to explain that I told myself at the start of this that if I’m still in the desert after six months I would sell all my comics at cost, burn all my scripts and storyboards (because keeping them would be too painful), and then move on…
 
BUT

…Here I am just over six months and haven’t done that yet because I also haven’t sensed that I should do it as I’m still in “wait” mode. I’ve grown in the past six months, but I’m still twitchy about it all. I sent that email in the morning. Several hours later she replied…

I read your email and decided to think for a bit before I responded.
 
I turned back to my closed captioning work (Todd edit: Which is for a religious program), and no joke, this was the next section that was on my screen. I think it’s a message for you. Haha!
 
***
 
“COME ON, GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEAD. WHATEVER IT IS THAT GOD’S DEALING WITH YOU ABOUT RIGHT NOW—GOD IS NOT EVER TRYING TO JUST TAKE SOMETHING AWAY FROM US OR JUST MAKE US MISERABLE.
 
EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT GOD LEADS US TO DO IS FOR OUR BENEFIT.”

 
You can’t get a more direct message from God than that, right? It’s also fitting with the “Get this through your head” part as I can be dense when it comes to this spiritual journey I’m on. I’ve always told God that I needed to be hit over the head with a hammer in order to notice stuff, and this was a pretty large hammer.

So the next stage I’m being prepared for has (possibly) nothing to do with art at all, or at least nothing to do with what I’ve been creating. I’m thankful that God stepped in to answer this nagging fear as it probably was getting in the way of moving forward.

In some ways I feel like I’m back to square one, however. I’m being prepared for something I have no idea what it is. I have no idea how to prepare for whatever it is I’m suppose to be preparing for. I’m still in “wait” mode and still not suppose to be creating artwork in the meantime, but whatever this thing is, at least one day I’ll be able to return to creating comics.

As always, thanks for reading and I’ll keep you posted when the next hammer hits me over the head…. which is here.

TL;DR: God steps in and answers a nagging fear that Todd had about whether he’ll be able to continue making comics once he’s out of the desert. He also talks about the state of affairs concerning belly button lint and passive/aggressive cats.

Todd

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2 thoughts on “Art Hiatus Update (Part Five): My Biggest Fear

  1. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
    2 Timothy 1:7 King James Version (KJV)

    Thus whatever your biggest fear is, it doesn’t originate with God. Perhaps it is merely self-induced out of doubt – and doubt isn’t faith. In fact, it’s quote the opposite of faith, in at least one sense. Yet, doubt is also one of the surest paths to faith. For to doubt is to question, and to question can solidify one’s faith. If you have no faith in yourself, then that is quite the dilemma.

    I came to your site, today, due to a search about banners for comic artists, and stumbled upon this series of articles. Fretting and stressing and worrying yourself to death about it all isn’t faith. Perhaps the desert that you’re going through isn’t quite what you think that it is.

    With wisdom, get understanding, it has been said. Sometimes in life, patience is required. You seem to be in a bit of a rush to run in circles.

    Take time to pause, to breathe deeply, to find peace.

    • Thank you for your comment! Although I’m currently still in my desert experience, I’m further along now than I was when I initially wrote this particular post. I’m being rounded down on so many corners right now it’s hard to see straight and get perspective. I’ll get through this, but this “Death to self” is going to kill me, lol.

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